TED & JEZZ

to really get a head,
i need a volkswagon beetle
my arm in a plaster cast,
a sailboat (imaginary)
a ballpein hammer,
plastic ties
the ability to lie cherubically,
i need to be charismatic
approachable, respectable,
i need a politician's smile,
a tradesman's guile
no remorse,
cold blood & a hunter's patience.

to really get some heads
i need a hand saw,
my own apartment close by
a fish tank: a reliable deep freeze
50 rolls of clingwrap
i need to learn home lobotomy,
a little extra-curricular activity,
to dry-root this monotony
i need to locate one night stands
who give good head,
but who also, don't object,
to losing theirs, immediately
thereafter.

SERIALLY YOURS

suck on this . . .
X will mark your wet spot
maybe chalk, maybe lavae,
everything is on the operating table,
when i see you
walking your dog
i think about
amputation without anaesthetic
dont speak when i'm speaking
i have a staple gun,
industrial strength duct tape,
a hood with no slits at all,
i work by feel alone – holistically
that highpitched squeal of yours,
at friday night confession,
drives me insane, skitzo-frenetic
why do you think cordless power tools were invented?
open wide & say aghhhhhh . . .
see this cross i've made?
in my basement
why not let me nail you to it, say next sunday?
it's a guaranteed weight loss program, no shit,
i kid you not, would i lie?
say you love me baby, one last time . . .
before you have to go . . . to the crawlspace,
i know
i know . . .